I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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