It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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