alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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