Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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