so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize