You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
