I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
