Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
