2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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