Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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