the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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