i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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