stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
