I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize