The maid of honor just puked.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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