The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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