I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
