If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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