PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
