It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
