I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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