it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
