batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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