I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
