How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
