So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
