YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
