Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
