I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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