if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
