I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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