if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
