so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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