He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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