I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
