I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
