third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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