It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
