He kissed a someone with a penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize