Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
