Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
