shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
