I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
