I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
