4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize