if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
