Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
