I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This baby is an asshole
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize