So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize