what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
