So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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