somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
