Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
