Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
