she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
