did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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