So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
