Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
