yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
