you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
