proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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