His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize