they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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