just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
