i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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