$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
