I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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