can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
