There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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